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I hate father's day

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Who's to know what it is will break you....


It's been 2 years now. It seems like it was just yesterday that I watched him go. Dad, I miss you so much. How I wish we could have had more time with you. It's never enough time.


http://download.yousen dit.com/DAE5CC4C409D6754
^Kite from Sydney, really wonderful. This song means so much to me.

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EEEEEEEEEE!! I just ordered a new toy to replace my dying Dell laptop. I cannot wait until it arrives. It came with free ground shipping but I upgraded to faster shipping so I think it will be here at the end of the week. I hope so, would be nice to have it before my birthday.



...

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Today is the anniversary of my father's death and I'm having a very, very hard time. I can't believe it's been a year. In a way it seems like it was so long ago, in a way....seems like it was just yesterday. I guess this time of year is never going to be the same.

Still missing you terribly dad. Still can't believe you're gone and you're never coming back.


Who's to say where the wind will take you
Who's to say what it is will break you...

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We finally got more info on my cousin. Her cancer is stage 3...not operable beyond what has already been done. She's going to the cancer center in Houston soon to start 6 weeks of both radiation and chemo. But my aunt (who also has cancer but is in relapse right now ) said you can only take radiation once in your lifetime. I haven't asked more about prognosis or timeframe just yet because umm....I don't know if I want to know yet. I really want to go see her...

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This weekend has been the worst I've had in awhile. I was looking at my calendar yesterday and I realized that it was this time last year that dad and I had started meeting to plan the website. It was just about a week before I was going to launch the site that he came home early from a business trip and went to the ER for a pain in his side, and that was that. The beginning of this nasty disease swiftly taking my father away from me.


I've gone through so many emotions...

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My cousin had surgery for a growth on her brain last week and just had surgery to investigate/remove what they could. We just heard back about the test results and it was malignant. My god I'm sick of this disease. I'm sick of it. She's only 33 years old.


I'm not half what I wish I was
I'm so angry, I don't think it'll ever pass

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Today is his birthday. He would have been 63. I miss him so much.

It's been around 7 months now. I guess I thought it would have gotten easier by now. Sometimes I wonder if my feelings are normal....if it's normal to still cry over the least little thing, the least little reminder... to forget for a few hours or even days, only for it to come back and hit me like a ton of bricks. If it's normal to be so angry and ashamed about the fact that I just stood by and watched...

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